I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
