So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
