apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
