Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
