youre lurking in front of me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
