lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
