Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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