He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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