on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
NoShamevember. You game?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
