Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
