I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
