If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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