am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
...so i touched it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
