I cockslap morals
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
