I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
