Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
