If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
