Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
