that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
