I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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