My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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