Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
