just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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