I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
