Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
