I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
