let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
