I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
