My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
