i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
