your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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