I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
