Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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