Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
