I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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