I should be sponsored by Trojan
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
