i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
