do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
