i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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