Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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