if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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