I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
