drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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