My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
