Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
