i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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