i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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