I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
