are you still at the devil's house?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
