WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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