they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
