I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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