I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
