roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
